my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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