I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
