Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
