Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
