did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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