Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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