I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
