i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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