I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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