The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
