i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
