It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
