after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
