I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
