i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
