He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
