just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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