Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
