So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
