Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
