Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
