My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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