Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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