So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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