I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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