two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
