why im i the only drunk person in the library?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
