Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
