Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
there is glitter all over my balls
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