You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
