so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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