He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
