Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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