did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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