I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
