I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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