no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
