That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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