the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
