You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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