If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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