Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
