i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
