i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
