I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My dick has a subreddit
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
