It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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