i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
