I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
