look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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