I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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