Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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