and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
