mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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